24 February 2013
I'm not very good at showing affection to my friends. But N is one of my oldest friends (along with B!). We've been friends since high school and considering we're all hitting our mid-thirties, high school was a very long time ago indeed. Our paths have diverged so much now, with N busy raising 2 kids, a business, her blogging network, and holding down a full time corporate job to boot. When we get together, while it's still as comfy as slipping into a pair of worn slippers, most of our conversations revolve around our kids. The day-to-day aspects of course have fallen to the wayside, as there are officemates, newer friends who, because of timing, because of circumstances, get to be part of your everyday life. But while I admittedly usually suck at staying in touch, I do remain fiercely and firmly loyal to old friends. Right now I feel so very protective - of N and her own Little N.
I could not quite express it in words when we were together, but I wanted N to know we are right here with them, as their family undertakes this new journey. I could not be any prouder of her strength, and though not the hugging kind, I did want to hug and sob in her shoulder earlier because they are just so brave, and so full of love. I see her still as the skinny kabarkada in high school who prattles on about Eddie Vedder. I can imagine how the challenges of motherhood must have been and will continue to be overwhelming. This is not my story - parents like N are blessed with a love and courage that left me in awe today.
But having someone you care about deal with something which was initially beyond your consciousness changes things - I want to know, and I want to understand, even just a little bit, because I want her to know and to hopefully feel that while our lives may have diverged, there are, after all, the constants she can fall back on, for little things, for big things, for perhaps eee-cheesy-awkward-but-heller-we-peed-in-a-portalet-in front-of-the-pope moments, and will always be here, cheering on her team, no matter what.